Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
