I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Terrible idea I love it
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
