We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
