I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
