youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
