I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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