I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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