Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
