I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
