Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
