Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
