i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
