sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
