She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
