He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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