I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
