i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
