Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Randomize
