Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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