when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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