I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
no you cant smoke seaweed
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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