everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
