During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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