Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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