3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
