wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Four minutes until I can fart!
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
