Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
