hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She's the barista slut.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
