I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
