Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
