Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
