Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
