I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
