I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
