Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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