Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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