question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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