I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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