i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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