woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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