I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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