apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
