I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
