oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
