:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
