24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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