We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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