the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
