I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize