at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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