So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
