i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
