i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
