She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
