No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
