upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
