You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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