ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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