I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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