8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
