I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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