oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize