i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize