and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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