sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize