I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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