It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
