I molested 6 butterflies tonight
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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