so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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