So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
