she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize