i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
