You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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