those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
