Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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