I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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