Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
