I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
soo... how was my night?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
