it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
