Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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