ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Alive.
So much puke
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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