Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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