D3 body, D1 cock
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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