I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
