Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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