I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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