I want to make a zoo with you.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
being pregnant is like rehab
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
