you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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