the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
