drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
