KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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