btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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