I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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