The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
