You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize