ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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