I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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