Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
