Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
