I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i believe in u and ur pee
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
