I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
