I'm drive I can fine osifer
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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