Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
