I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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