haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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