I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
