Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
