oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
