"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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