I wannas sexs uuuuu
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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