Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
