i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
